New Delhi, April 26, 2009 (ANI)

 

It is as certain to happen as Bilawal Bhutto will one day become Prime Minister, as certain as some Indian politician will accuse ‘Pakistani agent’ of tampering with EVM machines, as certain as match fixing, as certain as Prakash Karat finally supporting the Congress Party.

 

A Pakistani terrorist addressing the media on Friday, in Srinagar, like some Lok Sabha hopeful, waxing eloquently about how one hundred of thirty one of them have entered India through the LOC. Is there a kumbh mela on or something? Is India issuing visas to terrorists in Islamabad? Like a Bollywood hero, ‘Syed Moinullah’ with a two-day stubble, flick in place, haunting green eyes ‘informs’ reporters how he was trained and sent to Kashmir to ‘liberate’ hapless Kashmiri Muslims. And surprise! Surprise! He found none. Aw! Really? Did he go meet Hurriyat leaders? They are a real sad lot.

 

And now you can be certain that by the weekend, a ‘RAW agent’ will be ‘captured’ in Pakistan. Here is how things will ‘unravel’. The man, twenty something will be paraded before the press in Islamabad. He will give his name as Arjun Shukla or Pankaj Trivedi. He will claim to be from Uttar Pradesh or Bihar. Trained in the hills of Himachal Pradesh by an Indian army colonel, who went by the name of Colonel Pandit. No kidding!

 

Then this frail looking Shukla, will in halting Urdu peppered with Hindi words, tell the press how he was brainwashed by his RAW handler to provide cash and weapons to Balochis, to bomb market places in Karachi, to throw grenades at the Pakistani cricket team and horror of horrors…. steal nuclear secrets.

 

Interior Minister Rehman Malik will gloat and praise his country’s security forces for having foiled a major plot to ‘destabilize Pakistan’ and threaten that India should not try Pakistan’s patience.

 

Then Indian foreign office spokesperson will say these are ‘baseless claims’ and that Shukla or Pandey or whatisname is not Indian. Pranabda will not respond, he is too busy in Jangipur, his one day of campaigning having been eaten up due to RG’s visit and presser. Home Minister Chidambaram has a crisis on his hands with Sri Lanka blowing up and Karunanidhi breathing down his neck. Pakistan can be handled at Joint Secretary level for the next month.